Even if you’re convincing. Even if you’re right. But seeking to assign blame comes incredibly naturally to us human beings. Whenever we are confronted with a problem, an obstacle, an issue or anything we dislike or disagree with, our first instinct is almost always to find someone or something external to blame. Somehow being able to blame helps us make sense of the situation and deal with it mentally and emotionally. Blame helps us deal with issues but not well or effectively!
So what is the alternative to assigning blame? Why is blame such a bad thing?
Well, we can only control ourselves and what we do so assigning blame is not only a waste of time, it distracts us from what we should be doing – seeking a solution we can implement. When confronted with a distasteful situation, the most effective tactic is to take the position that everything is my fault. This is an extremely effective process that allows one to exert positive control while seeking actionable solutions to any problem, but getting in the habit of accepting blame for everything that happens in one’s life can be difficult and even disconcerting to the uninitiated. Another, more easily implemented process is to train one’s mind to react to problems or stressors in a very specific way that works in opposition to the useless process of assigning blame. Whenever confronted with a difficult situation I can choose to think and say, “This works to my advantage because…” or “This is a good thing because…” and then figure out why the statement is true. This exercise often seems silly to novices and the more educated the person the more silly it seems but it is an extremely effective way to move past the assignment of blame and get to solution based thinking.
That being said, neither I not anyone else can’t do it for you. If you want different, better results then you’ll have to change. If you want to improve your ability to handle adversity and find effective, actionable solutions then either of these processes will serve you extremely well if you’ll commit to and practice then daily. What do you have to lose other than the satisfaction of saying that a situation is not of your making? What’s it worth to you to stop playing the victim and start leading effectively in your office, your home, with your team and for your family? We can’t control others. We can only control ourselves. The sooner we realize this and act accordingly the faster we will move along the path to true success in our relationships and our businesses.