Ever notice how we react when cell service is not ideal and the call we are on becomes less than clear? The response is almost universal – almost everyone says, “You’re breaking up”. It sounds trivial but the ubiquitous nature of this almost reflexive comment gives insight into how we are wired as human beings. We almost always look for the source of problems IN OTHERS. From a purely mathematical perspective, there is at least a 50% chance that OUR phone or OUR connection is the culprit but that doesn’t stop us blaming others!
Cell phones aside, we are almost always best served by looking first at ourselves for solutions to problems that arise. Why?
- You can only control what YOU do
- No matter how much you want others to change what they are doing, you only have control over yourself, your thoughts, your words and your actions
- By constantly focusing on what we can do to alleviate any issues, we are constantly improving what we do and how
- By being open to the possibility that we may be the cause of problems we greatly increase our self awareness and that is vital if we want massive success
- You cannot control what others do
- This may sound redundant but it is not
- If we can remove from our minds the idea that we can make others change, we greatly enhance our chances for success and happiness
- It helps us assert our positive control over our environment
- Do you control what happens to you or do things just happen?
- The old saying is that there are three types of people
- Those who make things happen
- Those who watch things happen
- Those who wonder what happened
- We avoid a victim mindset
- Those who watch and wonder are victims and feel helpless
- Being a victim and being successful are mutually exclusive
- No one likes someone who constantly blames problems on others!
Looking for problems in others is an instinct and a habit that is difficult to overcome. Change of perspective takes focus, intention and practice but in time you can change even a knee jerk reaction to any situation. First, practice recognizing your reaction to problems and paying attention to where you look for solutions and then refocus your attention onto what you can do to fix any given situation. It takes time and effort but the results are worth it.
And, yes, sometimes the problem is not you and the solution is beyond your control but if you make a sincere effort to fix the issue yourself before raising it with another, generally you will find the reception much friendlier!
this is some straight up Marcus Aurelius Stoicism philosophy right there. Funny how these ideas have been around 2000 years and we forget!